An Inspiration of Faith

          I can't begin to count the times in the years since Chris and I have been in England, that I have asked myself "Why us?", "Why Me?", "How much bad luck can a person handle?". I caught myself asking myself some of these question last night. I have recently been reading a true book called, Please Don't Cry.  After thinking to myself about our current situation for awhile last night, I picked the book back up and had reached a crucial part toward the end. It suddenly reminded me that we are more blessed than some in many ways. Without giving the book away, one of the key people in the book is diagnosed with terminal cancer (I promise that is not the whole book and I did not give much away for anyone wanting to read it). When I reached this point, I was reminded of one of the people who unknowingly influenced (or maybe knowingly!) to start of this blog, my cousin Amy.
          I grew up one of the youngest of a somewhat large group of cousins, I still like to think of myself as one of the favorites of my beloved Grandma Irma. My cousin's and older siblings (I am the youngest sister) all probably still think of me as the most spoiled. I do have to mention that there is at least one cousin just as spoiled as myself, Shannon! I have many fond memories, but most were spent at my grandma's with the cousins. For holidays or just to visit, my uncle and aunt would often visit with their two girls. My parent's and I would always go for a visit while they were in Macon and I was always excited to spend time with Amy and Teresa. Both of them were older than me, but it was somehow still so much fun. I specifically remember being so jealous of their sleeping bags. I was never allowed to spend the night many places and when I was, I was generally safe and sound at one of the grandmother's or my sister's place. When I spent the night with either of them, there was no need for a sleeping bag, I was little and I slept with them. I couldn't have been any older than five or six, but I was so envious of those sleeping bags laid out in my grandma's living room floor when Amy and Teresa were visiting. I am sure one was probably purchased down the road for me, but I do not remember actually getting one, just really wanting theirs. It is funny what a person remembers from childhood and what they don't. I do remember telling Teresa my biggest secret, only to have her tell my family when we were all in the kitchen. I will save the rest of that for another day...
           Flash forward several years and Amy had married, moved to Colorado, and had children of her own.  Years after our beloved grandmother passed away and we no longer gathered at her house for holidays, we sadly had another loss. The news spread that our Uncle Charles had passed away not long after the Christmas holidays. We were all heartbroken and somehow most of us were able to travel to Alabama for his funeral. Looking back, I wish we could have had the entire family together more times for celebration in the years after our grandma's passing. Uncle Charles was a funny guy, always making people laugh with his quick comebacks and when we all got together to remember him, there were tears, but there were many laughs between cousins too. I remember traveling to the graveside services  in the backseat with Amy. To this day I can not remember what she said, but I remember laughing really really hard and how much she had lightened the mood. That was one of the few times in later years that I was blessed to have spent time with her. None of us had any way of knowing the sad news we would soon get.
           I am unable to recall the specifics, but I do remember my mom calling to tell me Amy had been diagnosed with cancer. I was heartbroken, but hopeful because I knew there were not many people who were as solid in their faith and the Lord as Amy. Soon after Amy's diagnose she started a blog, AmyCaldwellBixby.blogspot.com. Her blog was able to keep friends and family and later down the road complete strangers all informed of her progress and whatever might be on her mind. A miracle in it's own, Amy not only had cancer, but was pregnant and delivered a sweet baby boy after her diagnosis. I was always looking to see if Amy had posted a new blog and if so what things she had to say. So when Chris and I started our IVF journey, Amy's blog was one of the first things I thought of. She was able to keep all of us informed and this was a wonderful way for us to keep our friends, family, and anyone curious about the IVF process informed.
           As Amy's battle with cancer neared the end long before mine and Chris's battle with having a child of our own started, I had a very special conversation with Amy. Going into that call, I knew it would be the last time I spoke with her before her passing and although that conversation will remain private and between us, she was remarkably strong. Throughout her battle with cancer Amy remained stronger than I could ever imagine being at any given time. I know she had bad days, but she was an amazingly determined woman. After reading that book and remembering Amy's incredibly strong fight for her life, I have to admit I felt guilty. Our situation is upsetting, difficult at times, and frustrating beyond belief, but there is always someone fighting a harder battle. Amy was fighting to keep her life and we are currently fighting to create one. Although she is not on earth with us any longer, I know she is in a better place and I like to think she's keeping Grandma company until the rest of us get there. I love you Amy.
         
           

Amy & Teresa with the sleeping bags I wanted so bad.

Shannon
Just as spoiled as myself but we love her to pieces 

Brandi & Amy

Brandi and her parents at Grandma Irma's

The woman who loved us all so very much, Grandma Irma

IVF Update: We just started injections yesterday (18th March) and we will soon have a new blog all about how those are working out. Our next appointment at Bourn Hall is on 28 March and we are praying that they see what they need to on the scan in order to continue with the whole process. Stayed tuned!

Finally the First Appointment

        So it happened, it finally happened! We had our first IVF appointment at Bourn Hall today. For weeks we had been super excited and nervous to see what the physician would have to say about all of our recent lab work, our chances of success, and the process in general itself. Today, we were not disappointed. We are about a thirty to forty minute drive from the fertility center and our appointment was scheduled for 9 a.m.. We left in plenty of time and although there was traffic arrived early.
        Upon arriving we went into the visitors center and checked in. We were given a short tour and shown the bathrooms, the little restaurant, and sitting areas. After this,  the clerk handed us a visitors pass, mini coins for teas and coffees, and showed us to a side door. We were told to go over to the next building, the visitors pass will scan you in, and upstairs to a final check-in. It seems like a lot, but in total took about five minutes.
       After checking in upstairs, in the second building we were shown to a nice waiting room. The views at Bourn Hall are amazing. Every time we have been to drop paperwork it is always beautiful and oddly sunny. England isn't often sunny, but I have bets on Bourn Hall being the sunniest place in Great Britain. The waiting area is large enough with plenty of sitting space and a bathroom that has tricks of its own. I was laughing at Chris when he tried to use it, but was unable to get the light to work.. I didn't laugh long as I ended up having the same troubles. For the record, you must pull the light cord and walk pretty far forward before the light comes on and you feel safe shutting the door behind you! While waiting to be called back, I noticed a photo album full of newborn baby pictures and thank you's from their overjoyed parents. I could not help, but smile. It seemed like we waited for a very long time, but our doctor finally called us back.
       I had previously spoken on the phone with Dr. Valentina Mauro while recovering from my second surgery relating to my second tubal pregnancy. It was lovely to finally meet her in person and she instantly made us both feel at ease. She took us to a large office and we sat down to discuss our recent lab work, and all that this journey will entail. Going into this I knew that due to my situation (one tube removed, one completely blocked), IVF was our only option. No surprise there! I had hopes of doing the egg share program, (allows for free IVF for the donor) but it takes months to be matched up and we have a very limited time left in the country. I managed with the help of a really wonderful doctor of my own to have all my labs completed, all of Chris's labs completed, and everything turned into Bourn prior to our appointment. I think Dr. Mauro was impressed and I have to admit I was kind of impressed with my organization myself! I had some concerns about PCOS (Polycystic Ovary Syndrome) because of some of my labs and although Dr. Mauro understood why and where I was coming from about those labs, she reassured me that it was a very small chance and not to worry since I had become pregnant twice in one year. I was disappointed when I realized I had forgotten the one paper you are told to bring with you, a pink slip that both partners have to initial and date next to the treatments you will be receiving. Luckily, she had an extra.
      After we signed and dated all of our pink slip, it was on to discussing medications. This is where its gets informative. Initially, for my situation, I will start down regulating on March 18th. Down regulation has to begin twenty-one days after the start date of your menstrual cycle. From what I have been told the purpose of down-regulating is to switch off my bodies own reproduction process, so that I can eventually start over with help from modern medications in hopes of producing more follicles. Medication wise this means starting to give myself shots in my abdomen nightly on that day. I had the option of a nasal spray, but I can't stand anything in my nose and the shots turned out to be cheaper. On the upside although I know how to draw medications up and give injections as it is part of my job, the nurse and I had fun watching Chris try today. Needless to say, I think I will inject myself! He is determined to jab me at least once, thankfully the needles are tiny. After our medication practice was over, the nurse gave us some goodies. We were given a large purple "medication suitcase", a tiny purple butterfly bag (for carrying meds in if not at home), a large amount of syringes, some alcohol pads (I requested these as British nurses on use alcohol pads if giving a gluteal injection), a sharps container, and finally my two vials of medication.
     Everyone was friendly and answered our questions. I have to admit I was a bit overwhelmed and there were a few questions we forgot to ask. Dr. Mauro was nice enough to give me her own number and personal email and is often quick to reply to any questions I have so I am sure I will get them answered soon. My next appointment will be on the 28th of March. This will be for a follicle scan from what we understood today. If all looks well with the scan on that day, I will be started a new injection and will be reducing the amount of the one I will be on starting the 18th. So for a brief time I will be on two injections, oh joy!
    We continue to pray that financially some prayers are answered. I was more sick this past week then I believe I have been since I was a teenager, I even missed three days of work! We have been amazed at the kind words, donations, advice, and general support from everyone. Although, we have had some negative comments, I am able to ignore them for the positive as we believe anyone with anything negative to say, clearly has not been in a situation like ours.
   Oh a different note, I sit here to write these blogs only ever thinking they will take me half an hour at most...here I am 1.5 hours later. It is my hope this blog helps someone, somewhere going through anything similar. Goodnight world.