A Promise Kept

          I had amazing grandparents as a kid and I remember them fondly for different reasons. My mother's mom who we called "Grandma Irma" never had a mean bone, but I think I brought her best side out when I made faces at her during church. If she had not been such a non violent christian woman, I believe that bible may have hit me in the head a few times.  It's funny what memories from childhood a person really vividly recalls. A fond memory of my dad's mom, Grandma Bessie, was her calling to tell me my favorite television show was on and she didn't want me to forget. I always loved Beauty and the Beast (the 1980's TV version) and she knew it.
           Some of my best memories were of my Uncle Greg, my father's brother. Uncle Greg lived up north in Pennsylvania and when I would hear he was stopping by (he was a trucker), I would get so excited. He was never the most wealthy person, but had the biggest heart and I have to admit I loved his northern accent. As I grew up, I wanted him at my wedding so badly. When he called and was unable make it, it broke both our hearts. When we opened the card for our wedding from him, inside we found a $100.00, money I knew he really couldn't afford to send us, but he did. I did not have to see him daily, I didn't have to talk to him all the time, but I knew he loved me.
           After our wedding, Chris and I would travel to New York through the years to see my father-in-law. We always drove back through Pennsylvania to see Uncle Greg on the way back to Georgia. I am thankful for the fond memories of those short stops to eat dinner and chit chat. He was always just as excited to see me as I was him.
           One of the worst moments in my life was the day my parents and Chris sat me down to tell me Greg had cancer. I was broken hearted and there was no consoling me. After Chris and I left my parents house that night, I vowed to get it together before I called to talk to my uncle. When the time came and I thought I had built up enough courage to make through the conversation without crying, I dialed the number. I still remember him answering and my courage lasting all of two seconds before the tears came and I found him comforting me about what was to come.
            He moved to Georgia, not long after we spoke and spent the rest of his days with all of us. He had decided not to fight it and to just let things happen, he knew he didn't have much time. I didn't realize until after his passing that he had even had someone get a horse calendar for him and bragged to his hospice nurse about his niece and how much she loved to ride horses. Before he died he  promised even when he wasn't still on earth, he would still be here for me.
            The other night I saw Uncle Greg's wallet in my drawer and was thinking about what he would have put in our IVF fund. I wanted to see his picture again, so I pulled out his drivers license and read it. I have gone through that wallet several times since he died in 2007, but this time when I opened it I noticed something else, an old twenty dollar bill. I sat in the floor and for awhile just let the tears come, I knew Uncle Greg was making sure the promise he made was a promise kept.
         
       

Baby Steps to Baby Steps

  Almost immediately after surgery, Chris and myself started looking into the process and expense of in vitro fertilization. First off Googling (Yep! Apparently it is a word now!) anything medical is a bad idea, my situation is no different. It did not take long for me to wonder if I had some bad deadly disease that caused my left tube to close. Luckily, I came back to my senses in only a few hours and realized I can not preach to the choir if I am not acting accordingly myself.
       At my first follow up appointment after my last tubal, I was referred to a place in Cambridge. Our insurance would cover the cost of the initial appointment which ranges anywhere from £190.00 to £600.00 and I was ready to get this process started. I called the facility as I had several questions and was completely turned off by the attitude and lack of response to the important financial inquires I had. I immediately started looking for a different facility.
       Every time I would google IVF (okay maybe I have done this more than just that one day!), a place called Bourn Hall would pop up. I looked at their website and was impressed, but was even more impressed after speaking to one of the physicians at the center. She was super sweet, patient, and understanding of my current situation. Our insurance will not cover this particular place, but our thought was that we will be paying for the majority of this out of pocket and the difference between comfort and £190.00 (consult fee at Bourn) did not seem like a huge difference for peace of mind. Not saying that this is not a large amount of money, but compared to the expense of the process itself it didn't seem impossible. After that phone call, the decision was made that Bourn Hall was the place for us and so started all of the baby steps to baby steps.
       Before the initial sit down with the physician there are several test that must be completed. Lab work is a big one. For the female, an AMH (Anti-Mullerian Hormone) is usually required, but in some cases places will allow a FSH (Follicle-Stimualting Hormone), LH (Luteinizing Hormone), and Estradiol in place of an AMH, all of which have to be taken during a woman's cycle. For the male, regardless of the situation, a sperm test must be completed. Last but not least for both parties HIV antibodies, Hepatitis B Surface Antigen, Hepatitis C antibodies, and Hepatitis B Core Antibodies must be done.
       It seemed like so much to do, but we have already finished everything with the exception of female only testing which I must wait until the "perfect time" for these to be drawn. I think most women can agree that you never look forward to a period, okay a slight few of you might be jumping for joy when yours arrives, but for most of us it is dreaded. I can honestly say, I wish mine would hurry up so I can get these test finished. I may not ever repeat this again, but bring on the bleeding!
      We have scheduled our initial consult date for March 3rd and I was very excited to receive the paperwork in the mail. With that said, it seemed like a lot of paperwork, but took us less than half an hour to complete. We were going to Cambridge to do Chris's "man test" on Monday, so we made a day of it and dropped the completed paperwork off at Bourn Hall ourselves. We were only there a short amount of time, but the kindness of everyone only reassured us that we made the correct decision. We would not have come this far in such a short amount of time if it had not been for really wonderful physicians, friends, and family. With everyones continued support and donations, we look forward to making our dreams a reality.

                          The Paperwork

                                                 

Too Beautiful for Earth

       One year ago today, I was in the worst pain both physically and emotionally than I had ever been before. Today marks the one year anniversary of our first tubal pregnancy. We were further along the first time and I had spent an entire weekend between the floor, couch, and bed in what I thought was just normal gas and pregnancy symptoms. We had already taken a trip to the emergency room the week prior as I was concerned about the amount of pain, no one mentioned then that there was even a possibility of the baby being in my tube. On Tuesday, January 15, 2013, I awoke in the worst possible pain I could have imagined. I vaguely remember making it down stairs to try and take some medication for gas relief and then the dog licking it off my face because I was suddenly in the floor. I knew something was terribly wrong at that point and immediately called my husband who had already left for work.
        It seemed like forever and I barely remember being scared that he would not get to me in time. In actuality, it had been snowing heavily and snow was still on the ground so it was taking him longer than the normal five minutes between our home and the military base. I know I was in and out of consciousness, but all I remember is arriving in the ER and being fully embarrassed that I had urinated on myself.  After a long while in the ER, the tubal was discovered and I did not have time to be scared or upset because it was off to surgery with a quickness.
        I spent a couple of days in the hospital and with the help of an amazing husband and some really wonderful friends, I recovered quickly. My surgeon had been able to save my tube (salpingostomy) and we could start trying again soon. Coming to terms with what happened emotionally was not as easy and seeing the scars (my surgeon is pretty awesome, the scars could be much worse!) is a daily reminder of what happened. Unfortunately, I have not found a way to shower with clothes on and actually get clean.
       I still see the scars daily, but I do not hate them the way I did for so long. Since having my second tubal and loosing the tube, I like to think of them as my reminders that I have angels looking over me. Those angels were just too beautiful for earth...
   
                           "An angel in the book of life wrote down my baby's birth

                      than whispered as she closed the book, 'too beautiful for earth.'"

                               ~author unknown

                                   December 2012

        Our story truly started when my husband proposed to me in early spring 2003. You see, I worked in the public school system and he had a very special way of making sure I would say "yes". Chris had some help from a special fourth grade class, he had them all ask me at once. How could I say no? And so it began. We were married on June 5, 2004 in Warner Robins, Georgia.
        We both agreed from the start that we wanted to hold of on kids for at least a few years. I needed to finish college,  he was enlisted in the Air Force, and who knew where we would end up. We knew we were doing the responsible thing and would have a family one day, just not yet. So life went on.
        Flash forward several years (about 9!) and we found ourselves stationed at RAF Lakenheath in England. This was a big change for myself as I grew up a true southern girl and very close to family. It was a little easier for my husband who is originally from Europe. He grew up on a little island called Malta and we would be closer to most of his family while stationed here in England. About a year after our arrival and a deployment later, we decided it was finally time to start a family.
       On Christmas Eve 2012, we discovered around 2am, I was pregnant. We could not have been more excited. The plan was that we would wait to tell our families, but it didn't take long for either one of us to cave and we told them all in early January. I had been feeling sick the entire time, but even as a nurse myself, I thought it was just normal nausea. After a two trips to the ER for extreme nausea and pain, it was discovered on January 15, 2013 that I was experiencing a tubal pregnancy on my right side. I was rushed into surgery, but thankfully my amazing surgeon was able to save my tube. I awoke upset, but thankful to be alive and was reassured we could soon try again. We did just that.
       We were starting to worry when on November 23, 2013, we discovered I was pregnant again. This time was a little different,  I knew from the beginning something was not right. I had been bleeding from the start and only took a test on a whim. Thankfully, my wonderful doctors trusted me and I was seen immediately. It did not take long to find that yet again, we were experiencing  a tubal on my right side. I had surgery this time the first week of December. Almost immediately after I woke up from anesthesia we were told that not only had my right tube been removed, but my left was not functioning. The test done on my left tube consisted of trying to flush dye through the tube in order to make sure everything could pass through normally. This was not the case with my left tube, the dye could not get through and there for that tube would be useless also for trying to get pregnant. We were devastated to learn that the only way for us to have a normal pregnancy would be through IVF.
        Not to long after arriving home from the hospital, we started looking into IVF and the facilities that do it. Though it is an expensive process, it is cheaper to do have done here in Britain. Our military insurance does not cover IVF and so we started saving. The problem is that we PCS in 9 months and have a very limited time to complete the process. We are planning on the initial appointment in February 2014, and we have saved some to start. If we can not raise enough funding we will not be able to continue.
        Someone suggested a Go Fund Me account and I tried it, not thinking anyone would even be willing to spare a dollar on people they didn't know let alone the amount that family has also donated. We have set a goal of $6000.oo and I am asking everyone to please even give a dollar to help us start our family at http://www.gofundme.com/BabyforButigiegs I know that I have reached out and helped people in the past and I am hoping they will do the same for myself and my husband. We both will graciously pay it forward in the future, every chance we get. Thank you in advance!