Too Beautiful for Earth

       One year ago today, I was in the worst pain both physically and emotionally than I had ever been before. Today marks the one year anniversary of our first tubal pregnancy. We were further along the first time and I had spent an entire weekend between the floor, couch, and bed in what I thought was just normal gas and pregnancy symptoms. We had already taken a trip to the emergency room the week prior as I was concerned about the amount of pain, no one mentioned then that there was even a possibility of the baby being in my tube. On Tuesday, January 15, 2013, I awoke in the worst possible pain I could have imagined. I vaguely remember making it down stairs to try and take some medication for gas relief and then the dog licking it off my face because I was suddenly in the floor. I knew something was terribly wrong at that point and immediately called my husband who had already left for work.
        It seemed like forever and I barely remember being scared that he would not get to me in time. In actuality, it had been snowing heavily and snow was still on the ground so it was taking him longer than the normal five minutes between our home and the military base. I know I was in and out of consciousness, but all I remember is arriving in the ER and being fully embarrassed that I had urinated on myself.  After a long while in the ER, the tubal was discovered and I did not have time to be scared or upset because it was off to surgery with a quickness.
        I spent a couple of days in the hospital and with the help of an amazing husband and some really wonderful friends, I recovered quickly. My surgeon had been able to save my tube (salpingostomy) and we could start trying again soon. Coming to terms with what happened emotionally was not as easy and seeing the scars (my surgeon is pretty awesome, the scars could be much worse!) is a daily reminder of what happened. Unfortunately, I have not found a way to shower with clothes on and actually get clean.
       I still see the scars daily, but I do not hate them the way I did for so long. Since having my second tubal and loosing the tube, I like to think of them as my reminders that I have angels looking over me. Those angels were just too beautiful for earth...
   
                           "An angel in the book of life wrote down my baby's birth

                      than whispered as she closed the book, 'too beautiful for earth.'"

                               ~author unknown

                                   December 2012