Zip Them Lips

            Recently, one of my most dear friends found out she was pregnant. Now this is a friend I do not get to see often or talk to much, but we always pick up where we left off. We have many memories together like the time I was driving and we were pulled over on an old Georgia back road. I was given a $500.00 ticket and made to take an 8 hour class. It probably was not even a month later when she was pulled over going faster than I was, in my car, and just given a warning. Yep, girls got skills! There was also the time we stayed up late watching the movie "Here on Earth", we must have been hormonal teens because we laughed and cried for what seemed like forever. Everyone should be lucky enough to have at least one friend like Cassey.
           Fast forward up until a couple of months ago when I opened a message from my old friend. Now, being the the sweetheart that she is, she sent this message to let me know she had found out she was pregnant. She knew mine and Chris's struggles and did not want me to find out from a Facebook post. It was really sweet of her and at the same time reminded me of how obviously awkward some of our close friends feel when they make that special announcement.
           I am sure not everyone is like me, but when it comes to finding out friends are pregnant there is some healthy envy. It is not like the complete stranger who has recently found out she's expecting and says something completely wrong on so many levels. I do get excited for my friends, especially when I know they have wanted this as bad we do. I even threw a baby shower for my friend Krissy, who had found out she was pregnant not long after I did the first time. Yes, she had a very close due date to what would have been ours, but I love her to bits and it didn't matter. I feel like I should note to people that Chris did basically have to drag me out of the hospital the day her daughter was born, but only because I could not get enough baby cuddles from that sweet girl. I also knew Krissy was well aware of my situation and was not worried about the tears I needed to cry or one bit fearful that I was not going to hand her back, eventually.
          Now back to those complete strangers... For you ladies and maybe some gents out there who like myself have ever had some meaningly harmless words fly out of your mouth at a pregnant person such as "You look like you are about ready to pop." Only to be starred down with the angry look only a preggo can give and have them say with pure hatred "I am only 4 months pregnant!". After an attitude like that when trying to be nice I only really want to respond with something along the lines of "Just say no to the ice cream."
         I think it has become an unwritten rule that there are just some things you do not say to a pregnant woman. So for those of us on the other side of the spectrum, who often get comments such as "You are so lucky you guys do not have kids." There needs to be a list!!! So in honor of sweet people like my dear friend who cares for others and is sensitive to situations of pregnancy struggles I have taken that task upon myself.  I have created a top 5 list for the not so sensitive to our struggles pregnant woman of the world and also the parents who think we are so lucky. Yes, you are probably thinking to yourself that not everyone knows the situations of others, you are correct! (And if you are pregnant you do not get a cookie, really I am helping you here.) However, like most good people I am sure you have at some time or another asked the dreaded "When is your due date?", only to find out the person is not actually pregnant. That is another unwritten rule that only life experience can give you and for those of us who have done it, we all know to do as my southern mother taught me and just  ZIP THEM LIPS. So pregnant women reading this, here you go when you talk to someone who is not pregnant or does not appear to be knocked up, follow my list and avoid these saying these simple things in other words ZIP THEM LIPS.
                   

1. "You guys are so lucky you do not have kids."  This is usually followed by a list of reason's like you can still go out and party or worse they are so expensive. THIS IS A MAJOR NO! NO!  You think your children are expensive trying paying for IVF or adoption and in our situation more than once! That is your kids college paid. Just be thankful your pregnant behind (Mama also taught me not to cuss)  did not have to pay for that bump your wearing.
2. "I'm sick of morning sickness." Again pregnant woman of the world, this is not cool. It really just makes us infertility patients want to scream at you non-stop for days until we loose our voices. BE THANKFUL YOU GET TO EXPERIENCE MORNING SICKNESS, there are thousands of us like myself who would actually cherish puking over that big white, hopefully sanitary, throne at all hours of the day to be in your situation.
3. "I can't wait until this pregnancy is over, I am sick of being fat and miserable." This is one that just makes eyes roll. Unless you have indulged in multiple tubs of ice cream or all those cookies and late night burgers you should have avoided or have some medical condition other than pregnancy that is causing the extra pounds, then you should be at a healthy weight for your baby! And please do not forget get that people like myself PAY LOADS OF MONEY TO GAIN THAT WEIGHT! 
4. "I am ready to wear regular clothes again." Yes, this is still right there with #3, but should also be avoided at all times! Here is why, yes those of us with infertility struggles can fit into our regular clothes, but WE DO NOT HAVE AN EXCUSE TO WEAR THOSE ADORABLE MATERNITY CLOTHES, you do. I will trade you my two piece and skinny jeans anytime.
5. "We have enough kids, I wasn't trying to get pregnant again." Oh you do, just sign that one over to me. Seriously, another BIG NO! NO!. May I suggest next time you use birth control because people like some of us with fertility issues can have intimate relations like bunnies all day and all night long and and never see a pink line because again we have to pay for that pink line, if we even get the pink line. Imagine the IVF patients who do not get the pink line after all the money was spent. So be blessed by yours and love that kid. If you don't, there are plenty of us who will.          

Let's get this list out there and make some new unwritten rules so that people with fertility issues do not have to give insensitive pregnant woman that oh so fake southern smile while secretly hoping they eat every tub of ice cream see their entire pregnancy.

Just a quick update: We have relocated and have finally started to settle in to a routine. We are choosing to attempt IVF once more before moving onto adoption. We have our first consult on my birthday next Friday. Wish us luck. 

     

New Home

       

Cassey on my wedding day

Krissy at her baby shower I threw her