Moving On

                  Four years ago we came here together not knowing what to expect and thinking four years seemed like so much time. Looking back on everything and four years has flown by. We will be leaving England soon to return to America and for us it is so bittersweet.
                  As many know our first, second, and third pregnancies began and ended here. Those memories are not all bad. As we spend the last night in our English home, we are reminded of so many good experiences that we have enjoyed here. I will let you in on a few of them.
                 Traveling! We have been lucky enough to have seen so many countries and places that most people never get to see. From the Louvre to the Trevi Fountain and even Anne Frank's childhood home, we have seen them with our own eyes and not in pictures. Exploring Greece and Pompeii for hours and having the best pizza in the world in Chris's home country of Malta. There really is no better pizza than that of Ir-Rokna such that we make sure to go there at least twice when visiting family.
                 Family! For many years we lived close to my family while in Georgia and leaving home broke my heart. On the upside, coming to England meant being closer to a majority of Chris's family that still reside in Malta. The first year we were married, we traveled to Malta and I remember calling home on Christmas Day. I cried so hard because I was homesick. This past Christmas we again spent in Malta and not once was I homesick. The island that my husband grew up on has become one of the few places I feel immensely comfortable in and I have grown to love for so many reasons.
                 Exploring! Ok so somewhat like traveling, but not exactly. You see, for us to explore we really only have to walk out into the woods in front of our lovely English home. Miles and miles of trails to see all kinds of wildlife such as hedgehogs and slugs that are just as big as baby snakes. A favorite place of both of ours is Bury St. Edmunds, a lovely old town with some beautiful old churches and lovely shops, but best of all Abbey Gardens. One of the first pictures we took upon arrival to England was in the Abbey and it will likely be the place we miss the most. Feeding squirrels there has recently become a favorite pass time as one of the stores has started selling nuts for fifty pence a bag not far from the entrance to the gardens. There really are no words for how beautiful the gardens there really are and they will forever be etched in our memories.
                We have also been blessed in that we were able to share our home and places we love here with the people who have visited. Out of all the friends and family that we have been honored to have in our home, I will always remember seeing our friend Craig's expressions and smiles as he explored Abbey Gardens with us. Although, I do not think that I nor Mandy will forget our long journey through the woods geocaching recently, too much longer and our husbands may have starved. Some really memorable times for all involved.
                As we start moving on it also means packing up and going through items that have been shoved in boxes and drawers to be ignored as long as possible. We both have been reminded of our first pregnancy recently when the drawer full of our baby items had to be opened and gone through. Although, we both still wonder and I for one still cry looking at those items, it wasn't all bad. From telling our family to our friends and even the look on Chris's face when he saw the test, those are memories we will always treasure. For a really long time I have often felt guilty for feeling as sad as I sometimes do. Recently, a dear friend told me that she often still cries for her son who passed way to early in life. I answered her back with the thought that she had memories of her son who was in his thirties when he died and to that she replied that she did not think I should feel guilty for being sad because I was mourning the memories we did not get to make with our child. Somehow the words of my friend have helped me to feel a lot less guilty for the tears that sometimes still roll down my face when I least expect it. Although we have grown to love it here so much, it is definitely time for us to start moving on.      

     

Excitement, Disappointment, & an Anniversary

                So much has happened since my last post, I am not even sure where to begin. So for starters IVF was successful, however to our disappointment it was short lived. For anyone who has lost count that makes three unsuccessful pregnancies since January 2013.
                We had our positive test in April and were carefully excited when about a week later I started to bleed and knew that it was over. In a strange turn of events after some routine labs, it was discovered that my pregnancy hormone had increased again, but not enough to be viable. I had already schedule an appointment with my OB surgeon for the next week so we just kept that appointment. I was convinced not only was I now going to need a DNC but on top of another surgery to remove my blocked tube. At our appointment, she explained that she really thinks this pregnancy is in my blocked tube (the only one I have left), explaining my hormone levels. With the other two pregnancies my HCG had risen like a normal pregnancy and so it never crossed my mind that this could have also been in my tube. So we all know what that means! Third time is a charm and surgery is scheduled for tomorrow morning.
                With the past two surgeries there was not much time to be nervous or worry about anything. This time I have been a little more anxious and just ready to get it over with and be in recovery mode. We managed to get away for a quick trip to celebrate our ten year anniversary for a few days to Amsterdam this past weekend and although the trip was fun I found it hard to steer away from my thoughts.
                 In between all of the IVF madness, we received our next assignment and Chris was on the promotion list for Master Sergeant. If all goes as planned we should be moving to Virginia in October to be stationed at Langley, AFB. We are beyond excited to be going there as some of the choices on the list that we could have been assigned to were less than desirable. We have friends at this base too and will not be far from two of my brothers and nieces. I look forward to making up for lost time with them and getting to enjoy what Virginia has to offer.
                 We are not giving up on being parents and the fact that we are heading to Virginia opens up several choices for some very successful IVF facilities. We are currently looking at two of them, one actually being at Walter Reed. They have a program for military that is less expensive and we are praying there will be a good opportunity for us to take advantage of. I still believe everything does happen for a reason and we never really thought of Virginia as an option for us, so hopefully this might signal some good news for a change. Apologies to family and friends that have asked about the blog, we have had a whirlwind of events and emotions in the past two months and are really hoping better things are to come in the future.

                                                     Pictures from Amsterdam

Scan Me Once, Scan Me Twice, and Scan Me Again

             Before starting medications to help my follicles to go grow an appointment was scheduled for a baseline scan. This scan is done to get an idea of how many follicles are attached to each ovary. The scan was scheduled for about fifteen days after I was started on Suprecur, the down regulation medication.
             The morning of the baseline scan we arrived early and had a small breakfast down in the little cafe before heading upstairs to our appointment. Whenever we arrive at Bourn Hall we check in at the front desk of the main building. Here we are given a pass and head out one door and into another that you must use your pass to scan into. Once in the second building we head upstairs and check in at the desk there. Finally, we are shown to the waiting room. It sounds like a lot, but it isn't too bad. We only waited for a few minutes before being called back. I was expecting to see my fertility doctor, but quickly learned that at scans we would be seeing a nurse and sometimes a specialist who comes up from another facility. We were shown into a room with the scanning equipment on one side and a privacy curtain and desk on the other. The nice nurse, Sue, closed the curtain and told me to change and cover up with the paper provided... thats right PAPER! I am used to the nice sheet that woman get when going to their pap appointments, I was given a oblong paper coverup. During the scan on the screen we were able to see what I call blobs, my nurse calls them follicles. As a nurse myself, I was never trained in reading scans and it still amazes me to watch them count the blobs on the screen. This particular day I thought I saw two, they said about four on one side and I believe eight on the other and it still perplexes me. After the scan, it was explain to us that we are in the medium category and it was time to start Gonal F. The Gonal F is a once a night pre-filled pen that is given at the same time as the Surprecor. The Suprecor was then reduced to a smaller dose, but this still meant two shots a night. Our next appointment was scheduled for the following Wednesday to see how well and if the medication was working.
              The time flew by and we were quickly at our next scan. Chris kept it together (he has not missed an appointment yet!) and I was super nervous that they would not find any follicles or they would not be growing at all. Once again we arrived and headed through the different checkins and eventually made it to the waiting room. We didn't wait two minutes before Sue called us back and again I was shown to the scan area and again I looked at my tiny paper cover-up. During the scan, we were able to make our more blobs and the specialist told us that I was responding well to the medication and he thought I would need only one more scan. This time before leaving Sue had to draw my blood. I was highly impressed when she got me the first try, this doesn't happen often and it made my day. She explained that once my hormone levels were read she would call if I needed to up or lower my dose of the medications. They scheduled my next scan for Friday and off we went. The appointment was over in less than twenty minutes. No one called later that day so the medication dose didn't change.
                Friday arrived and we were off to Bourn Hall again. It is about a thirty minute drive between our home in Mildenhall and Bourn. This time it was a different technician/nurse that did our scan and we were a bit confused when she said I had more follicles on my left side than my right. Prior to this scan we had always been told there were more on my right side. After the scan, she showed us on a chart how the follicles were growing. I believe she said there were about seven doing exactly what they needed to. There are some slow growers that we don't expect to catch up. We had heard of other people having more and this still makes me nervous about the outcome. It was decided I would not need any more scans and that egg collection would be on Tuesday. We were sent to the medication nurse to get the last medication, a trigger injection. Before egg collection a trigger injection must be given in order to start ovulation, this is done about thirty-six hours prior to the retrieval procedure. We were told I needed more labs drawn (I wasn't as lucky this time, it took three tries!) and that we would be contacted the next day with the specific time to give myself the shot. We went home and luckily we have had company this week and so we haven't been at home or work going stir crazy waiting on a phone call.
                 On Saturday we spent the day in Windsor Castle (and yes the Queen was home, we even saw her flag) walking around with our guest. Throughout the day Chris kept asking if Bourn had called with our info and even kept telling me to call them. I think at times he had been afraid as the day went on that they had forgotten us. I started becoming concerned, but as we sat down for dinner the phone rang. Lucky us the reception wasn't great and I had a momentary panic when the line cut as the woman on the other end was giving the instructions. Soon after it cut, she did call me back and the instructions were to take the trigger injection at 9:30 p.m. on Sunday evening and report to Bourn Hall on Tuesday at 7:30 a.m.. At this point the medication instructions became a little confusing, on Saturday the two usual medications continued as normal, on Sunday I was only to take the Suprecor at my regular time and the trigger at the time they had given me, and on Monday (today) no medications.
                 When the time for the trigger shot came, it was no worse than the other two daily injections. Tomorrow morning is egg retrieval and then we await another phone call to find out which day we go for them to implanted. We have been told it will be either Friday or Sunday depending if we have eggs that fertilize and how far they make it. The doctor explained to us at our first appointment that they try to let the eggs get to five day blast as they have a better chance, but in order to do so we must have at least four good quality eggs or it will be a day two transfer.  We just pray for the best results possible.
                                                             Uterine Lining Scan

                                                               Uterine Lining Scan

                                                                      Follicles

                                                                     The "Chair"

                                                                     Trigger Shot

             
           
* I usually try and check over these entries several times for errors however, we are both extremely exhausted and have an early day tomorrow! Apologies if anything his misspelled or sounds off.

Shots and not the kind with Tequila!

         We finally reached medication day, March 18th.  For Chris, this meant much excitement as he had been looking forward to the day he would be able to stab me with that sharp object we call a needle. For me, the thought of injecting myself and having to remember to do it daily at the same time was a little overwhelming. Either way, it had to be done.
         We had been told at our first appointment that medications starts twenty-one days after your last AF (that's Aunty Flow for you non- IVFer's). The name of the medication is Suprecur and it is administered with a very tiny needle, the same as a diabetic needle. We were additionally informed that I would need to have the medication within a two hour window every evening between 6 and 8p.m..
        When the time finally arrived on the night of the 18th, Chris was still super excited and I was not nervous, but anxious to get the first jab over with. The first one I was determined to do myself for the simple fact that I wanted to make sure I could, given the fact there would be times Chris might not be around and I would still need the meds. I have given many shots to others, but never any to myself. We prepared my injection together and Chris was grinning like a kid on Christmas, he even had the camera ready. Still not nervous at all, I lifted my shirt and went to inject... and then came the nerves, I froze.
        After a few minutes of Chris and I going back in forth as to if I could actually do it myself and an immense feeling to fall out on the floor, I went for it! I can tell everyone the needle itself does not hurt, but after a few seconds the medication tingles just a bit. We were both excited and the very next day Chris gave me the shot. It is a little funny when he gives me the injections, as he crosses his legs behind me as if I am going to run away. I haven't yet run away, but every time he locks me in to make sure I am not going anywhere. The shots are definitely not Tequila shots, but hopefully they will give us a better outcome than a hangover!
        We have been doing these shots for about two weeks now. Our baseline scan for follicles was originally scheduled for last Friday, the 28th. That appointment had to be moved due to my AF arriving a few days later than expected. I was a little panicked and still am a bit nervous about this, but our doctor from Bourn Hall explained that sometimes this occurs. Our appointment was moved to tomorrow at 10 am and although nervous we are looking forward to seeing how many or if any follicles there are on each side. All prayers are graciously accepted as we continue to take this incredible journey.

                                                                        Suprecur

                                                                   We were prepared

                                                                   First needle is in!

                              Chris being a good sport at a recent baby shower for friends.
                                                         He wears his preggo belly well.

~ Another wonderful "thank you" to everyone who has prayed, donated, and continued to support us. gofundme.com/BabyforButigiegs    
       

An Inspiration of Faith

          I can't begin to count the times in the years since Chris and I have been in England, that I have asked myself "Why us?", "Why Me?", "How much bad luck can a person handle?". I caught myself asking myself some of these question last night. I have recently been reading a true book called, Please Don't Cry.  After thinking to myself about our current situation for awhile last night, I picked the book back up and had reached a crucial part toward the end. It suddenly reminded me that we are more blessed than some in many ways. Without giving the book away, one of the key people in the book is diagnosed with terminal cancer (I promise that is not the whole book and I did not give much away for anyone wanting to read it). When I reached this point, I was reminded of one of the people who unknowingly influenced (or maybe knowingly!) to start of this blog, my cousin Amy.
          I grew up one of the youngest of a somewhat large group of cousins, I still like to think of myself as one of the favorites of my beloved Grandma Irma. My cousin's and older siblings (I am the youngest sister) all probably still think of me as the most spoiled. I do have to mention that there is at least one cousin just as spoiled as myself, Shannon! I have many fond memories, but most were spent at my grandma's with the cousins. For holidays or just to visit, my uncle and aunt would often visit with their two girls. My parent's and I would always go for a visit while they were in Macon and I was always excited to spend time with Amy and Teresa. Both of them were older than me, but it was somehow still so much fun. I specifically remember being so jealous of their sleeping bags. I was never allowed to spend the night many places and when I was, I was generally safe and sound at one of the grandmother's or my sister's place. When I spent the night with either of them, there was no need for a sleeping bag, I was little and I slept with them. I couldn't have been any older than five or six, but I was so envious of those sleeping bags laid out in my grandma's living room floor when Amy and Teresa were visiting. I am sure one was probably purchased down the road for me, but I do not remember actually getting one, just really wanting theirs. It is funny what a person remembers from childhood and what they don't. I do remember telling Teresa my biggest secret, only to have her tell my family when we were all in the kitchen. I will save the rest of that for another day...
           Flash forward several years and Amy had married, moved to Colorado, and had children of her own.  Years after our beloved grandmother passed away and we no longer gathered at her house for holidays, we sadly had another loss. The news spread that our Uncle Charles had passed away not long after the Christmas holidays. We were all heartbroken and somehow most of us were able to travel to Alabama for his funeral. Looking back, I wish we could have had the entire family together more times for celebration in the years after our grandma's passing. Uncle Charles was a funny guy, always making people laugh with his quick comebacks and when we all got together to remember him, there were tears, but there were many laughs between cousins too. I remember traveling to the graveside services  in the backseat with Amy. To this day I can not remember what she said, but I remember laughing really really hard and how much she had lightened the mood. That was one of the few times in later years that I was blessed to have spent time with her. None of us had any way of knowing the sad news we would soon get.
           I am unable to recall the specifics, but I do remember my mom calling to tell me Amy had been diagnosed with cancer. I was heartbroken, but hopeful because I knew there were not many people who were as solid in their faith and the Lord as Amy. Soon after Amy's diagnose she started a blog, AmyCaldwellBixby.blogspot.com. Her blog was able to keep friends and family and later down the road complete strangers all informed of her progress and whatever might be on her mind. A miracle in it's own, Amy not only had cancer, but was pregnant and delivered a sweet baby boy after her diagnosis. I was always looking to see if Amy had posted a new blog and if so what things she had to say. So when Chris and I started our IVF journey, Amy's blog was one of the first things I thought of. She was able to keep all of us informed and this was a wonderful way for us to keep our friends, family, and anyone curious about the IVF process informed.
           As Amy's battle with cancer neared the end long before mine and Chris's battle with having a child of our own started, I had a very special conversation with Amy. Going into that call, I knew it would be the last time I spoke with her before her passing and although that conversation will remain private and between us, she was remarkably strong. Throughout her battle with cancer Amy remained stronger than I could ever imagine being at any given time. I know she had bad days, but she was an amazingly determined woman. After reading that book and remembering Amy's incredibly strong fight for her life, I have to admit I felt guilty. Our situation is upsetting, difficult at times, and frustrating beyond belief, but there is always someone fighting a harder battle. Amy was fighting to keep her life and we are currently fighting to create one. Although she is not on earth with us any longer, I know she is in a better place and I like to think she's keeping Grandma company until the rest of us get there. I love you Amy.
         
           

Amy & Teresa with the sleeping bags I wanted so bad.

Shannon
Just as spoiled as myself but we love her to pieces 

Brandi & Amy

Brandi and her parents at Grandma Irma's

The woman who loved us all so very much, Grandma Irma

IVF Update: We just started injections yesterday (18th March) and we will soon have a new blog all about how those are working out. Our next appointment at Bourn Hall is on 28 March and we are praying that they see what they need to on the scan in order to continue with the whole process. Stayed tuned!

Finally the First Appointment

        So it happened, it finally happened! We had our first IVF appointment at Bourn Hall today. For weeks we had been super excited and nervous to see what the physician would have to say about all of our recent lab work, our chances of success, and the process in general itself. Today, we were not disappointed. We are about a thirty to forty minute drive from the fertility center and our appointment was scheduled for 9 a.m.. We left in plenty of time and although there was traffic arrived early.
        Upon arriving we went into the visitors center and checked in. We were given a short tour and shown the bathrooms, the little restaurant, and sitting areas. After this,  the clerk handed us a visitors pass, mini coins for teas and coffees, and showed us to a side door. We were told to go over to the next building, the visitors pass will scan you in, and upstairs to a final check-in. It seems like a lot, but in total took about five minutes.
       After checking in upstairs, in the second building we were shown to a nice waiting room. The views at Bourn Hall are amazing. Every time we have been to drop paperwork it is always beautiful and oddly sunny. England isn't often sunny, but I have bets on Bourn Hall being the sunniest place in Great Britain. The waiting area is large enough with plenty of sitting space and a bathroom that has tricks of its own. I was laughing at Chris when he tried to use it, but was unable to get the light to work.. I didn't laugh long as I ended up having the same troubles. For the record, you must pull the light cord and walk pretty far forward before the light comes on and you feel safe shutting the door behind you! While waiting to be called back, I noticed a photo album full of newborn baby pictures and thank you's from their overjoyed parents. I could not help, but smile. It seemed like we waited for a very long time, but our doctor finally called us back.
       I had previously spoken on the phone with Dr. Valentina Mauro while recovering from my second surgery relating to my second tubal pregnancy. It was lovely to finally meet her in person and she instantly made us both feel at ease. She took us to a large office and we sat down to discuss our recent lab work, and all that this journey will entail. Going into this I knew that due to my situation (one tube removed, one completely blocked), IVF was our only option. No surprise there! I had hopes of doing the egg share program, (allows for free IVF for the donor) but it takes months to be matched up and we have a very limited time left in the country. I managed with the help of a really wonderful doctor of my own to have all my labs completed, all of Chris's labs completed, and everything turned into Bourn prior to our appointment. I think Dr. Mauro was impressed and I have to admit I was kind of impressed with my organization myself! I had some concerns about PCOS (Polycystic Ovary Syndrome) because of some of my labs and although Dr. Mauro understood why and where I was coming from about those labs, she reassured me that it was a very small chance and not to worry since I had become pregnant twice in one year. I was disappointed when I realized I had forgotten the one paper you are told to bring with you, a pink slip that both partners have to initial and date next to the treatments you will be receiving. Luckily, she had an extra.
      After we signed and dated all of our pink slip, it was on to discussing medications. This is where its gets informative. Initially, for my situation, I will start down regulating on March 18th. Down regulation has to begin twenty-one days after the start date of your menstrual cycle. From what I have been told the purpose of down-regulating is to switch off my bodies own reproduction process, so that I can eventually start over with help from modern medications in hopes of producing more follicles. Medication wise this means starting to give myself shots in my abdomen nightly on that day. I had the option of a nasal spray, but I can't stand anything in my nose and the shots turned out to be cheaper. On the upside although I know how to draw medications up and give injections as it is part of my job, the nurse and I had fun watching Chris try today. Needless to say, I think I will inject myself! He is determined to jab me at least once, thankfully the needles are tiny. After our medication practice was over, the nurse gave us some goodies. We were given a large purple "medication suitcase", a tiny purple butterfly bag (for carrying meds in if not at home), a large amount of syringes, some alcohol pads (I requested these as British nurses on use alcohol pads if giving a gluteal injection), a sharps container, and finally my two vials of medication.
     Everyone was friendly and answered our questions. I have to admit I was a bit overwhelmed and there were a few questions we forgot to ask. Dr. Mauro was nice enough to give me her own number and personal email and is often quick to reply to any questions I have so I am sure I will get them answered soon. My next appointment will be on the 28th of March. This will be for a follicle scan from what we understood today. If all looks well with the scan on that day, I will be started a new injection and will be reducing the amount of the one I will be on starting the 18th. So for a brief time I will be on two injections, oh joy!
    We continue to pray that financially some prayers are answered. I was more sick this past week then I believe I have been since I was a teenager, I even missed three days of work! We have been amazed at the kind words, donations, advice, and general support from everyone. Although, we have had some negative comments, I am able to ignore them for the positive as we believe anyone with anything negative to say, clearly has not been in a situation like ours.
   Oh a different note, I sit here to write these blogs only ever thinking they will take me half an hour at most...here I am 1.5 hours later. It is my hope this blog helps someone, somewhere going through anything similar. Goodnight world.

A Tribute to Fur Babies

       With only a week to go before our first IVF appointment, it seemed fitting to do a tribute to our most beloved fur babies. Chris grew up loving a special German Shepard name Max as a teen and myself, well I had every animal known to man. I think we both agree our pets drive us crazy sometimes, but we have often learned so much from them.
        As I said before Max was Chris's canine buddy as a teen and my most beloved girl growing up was Kenya, a pound puppy. She taught my parents that if you promise a girl a dog on her birthday, you must be first in line waiting at the pound even if it means at 4a.m.. My mom often still refers to her as the 4a.m. dog. It was worth that early morning wait, as she was my world growing up. We gave her a good life and she gave all of us so much in return. I still tear up thinking about the phone call from my parents the day she died.
        People can bring many things to a marriage, for Chris he brought a cat named Ashtray. He was never a smoker, but when you have a group of guys living together, cat names get interesting. Ashtray had his place in Chris's life before me and he let me know it claws and all. As our family, previous neighbors, current neighbors, or any friend who has tried to check up on him for us in the past knows, he's not what you would call a people kitty. I specifically remember our old neighbor and friend Becki stopping by our house, before she even made it in the door he was hissing. Somehow through the years Ashtray has become fondly attached to me and no longer claws me unless I completed the savage act of forgetting to fill his food bowl and he is unable to wake me up. He has never dared to wake Chris from his sleep, or use his sharp dagger claws on him unless by accident. I guess it is their form of "Bro Code". Ashtray's Siamese Instruction has taught us a few things and here is a list of the best:

                   1.) Cat food comes before all things, including your sleep. You will not sleep
                        unless the cat bowl is full, not half full, but full. We recently were forced, not
                        of our own will, to place the cat food upstairs. Ashtray had decided he needed
                        an escort to the food bowl through the night and this was our compromise.
                   2.) Just because they are your friends, doesn't mean they are mine. Ashtray has
                        one friend in the world besides ourselves and that is John, a very dear friend
                        of ours. Our thought is that Ashtray remembers John would share his bed

                        when Chris would not, something the cat never forgot. I remember fondly   

                        John coming to visit while we were still in Georgia, Ashtray couldn't get to
                        him quick enough. Any of our other friends who enter our home, risk some
                        serious claw marks.
                   3.) It is not your bed, it is mine. We never knew until a couple of years ago just
                        how little of the bed you can actually sleep on. Ashtray decided that sleeping
                        between us was much better than the foot of the bed. He really is like having
                        a spoiled toddler.
                   4.) There is kitty church and it can take place at any given moment.
                         Our cat likes to feel the holy kitty spirit and he is louder than
                         any human any place of worship. I joke that revival starts at our place after
                         midnight.He is now the proud owner of a nice charity shop cat statue,
                         everyone needs prayer piece even cats.
                    5.) Fresh water in your cup is best always better than the fresh water in
                         in my bowl. He taught us the hard way, not to leave cups of water out. I'm
                         pretty sure we lost a few power cords while learning this lesson.
                                               

          Before we were ever married, we were given a little Yorkshire Terrier by Chris's dad. When we brought her home, she fit in my husband's pants pocket. It did not take long for her to become the princess in the household, everyone adored her from the beginning and she knew it.She was the best engagement gift and she has taught us many lessons in her past eleven years (well eleven at the end of March). I have put together our some of our favorite lessons learned from her:
   

                     
                      1.) Little bitty dogs can snore like giants. If she is in the room with us,          

                           there is no sleeping if she is out before us.
                      2.) There is something faster than Superman, it is Keepsie's mouth to food
                           when you drop it. She loves food more than anything, I promise she is not
                           starving. We feed her twice a day and she could still eat a whole T-Bone in
                           five minutes flat.
                      3.) If you think your kids pitch a fit, you should see her when she wants
                           something. She has a whiney bark that won't stop and reluctantly you must
                           give into her terrier demands. She has recently started to bark when Chris
                           leaves for work, only to let me know that she has had breakfast and is
                           waiting on a treat. She will whine until I go down stairs and the treat is in
                           her mouth.
                       4.) If it is hers, do not touch it! Even if it is not hers and she stole it from you
                            do not touch it! She has a pink Cozumel bag that carries all of her
                            toys, food, treats, etc. when she has to travel to grandparents, or a friends
                            for a weekend. That bag is hers, not ours and she is quick to jump in it
                            and tell you so. The positive to this is that if we have her in the car, we can
                            sit it next to her and she doesn't move. I remember once having to put on a
                            thick pair of boots and gloves to get her out from under a bed when she
                            stole a bag of cookies.
                        5.) It is possible for something under 13 lbs. to train a human. Keepsie is
                             living proof. For example, if she wants a treat (she gets these sometimes
                             when she goes potty) she will go outside and squat as if she actually went
                             to the bathroom and come back in expecting that treat! If you are
                             sitting down expect to become her personal massage therapist, she will    
                             rub against your feet until your toes magically start to work.
         
            For so many years our pets are the only babies we have had. They challenge us in ways we didn't think possible, but we wouldn't trade them for anything. Our babies have crossed countries twice to join us in England, as we do not believe that you get a pet only to give it up when you move away. They give us unconditional love and I hope they will do the same for our future children one day.


                                                                           MAX

                                                                         KENYA

                                                                       KEEPSIE

                                                                       ASHTRAY

                   UPDATE: We dropped off the remainder of IVF paperwork at Bourn last Monday. We are asking for prayers that we continue to go towards our goal at gofundme.com/BabyforButigiegs. We are also asking for healing prayers that I will not get any worse with this sickness I have come down with before our appointment. I apologize for any typo's but at this point I am very sick and it is time for bed.

Some Good, Some Bad, and a Touch of Awesome

    I never really had anything medically wrong with me before moving to England apart from some anxiety, a small potassium problem, and some reoccurring ear pain. We moved here and I made the mistake of telling a friend about my fear of IV's and how I did not want one, ever! Two days later I had kidney stones and learned to appreciate IV's and the medications they were running into my system. A kidney stone surgery, two tubal pregnancies, the blood work that goes with them later and I have to think England has it out for me, but then I remember some of the good things that have occurred since moving here in 2010.
    Many of you know that since living here we have had many opportunities to travel and see much of the world. Flying to other countries is fairly cheap from England and we have taken the advantage to enjoy it. Flying to places like Poland, Ireland, and Malta (Chris's place of birth) to spend time with the in-laws. We have tried surfing in Cornwall, ridden the London Eye, and seen Stonehenge. We are very blessed to have been able to do these things and I can only thank the Air Force for sending us here.
   So before I tell of touch of awesome that changed my life forever, I must put out a disclaimer first! Disclaimer: I dearly love all of my brothers and sister. I have four brothers in ABC order as to not make any one jealous, George, Kevin, Micheal, and Ricky and a sister Natalie.  Kevin sadly passed away when I was little. Now that I have said that I will share the miracle that made my life even better.
   For years my dad had a big red tool box that had a picture I was curious about taped inside. I would often ask about the high school picture of the boy I did not know or recognize, but never got answers. I do not know whether I annoyed him into it or if Micheal just finally gave in, but my older brother finally told me about my other older brother. Yep! Thats right surprise I had another brother and he lived up north somewhere. I made it my project to find him! Years passed and to no avail, I was getting no where and I didn't have much help. I am sure my dad wanted to find him, but at the same time it was not fair to Ricky to change the world he knew.
   Fast forward to February 2011 and phone call that changed everything. I came across a phone number that was his at one time in January and contemplated dialing the number for awhile afraid that no one would believe me, or someone would pick up and it would no longer have been his number. It took a couple of weeks and then I dialed that number and on the other end a woman answered... and after some convincing and some Facebook photos she actually believed me. This sweet woman happened to be his ex-wife and she went out of her way for me. I knew his mothers name, I called him Ricky (apparently people call him Rick), he looked just like my dad in those Facebook photos she was looking at, and last I had the details of that old high school photo that I had been so curious about.
    After some convincing she drove over and told him all about our interesting phone call and sparing some details the first conversation with my big brother Ricky occurred about a week later. I still remember actually talking to her on the phone and hearing her tell me "He wants to talk to you". I asked "When?" only to hear "Now" and to reply "like right now?". At times it is still hard to believe that I actually found him and it is something I will forever be thankful for.
   Not only did I find my brother, but I found two wonderful nieces Brittany and Samantha. That February phone call, led to all of us meeting in August of 2011. My brother flew to Georgia with my nieces and met all of us for the first time. Even with the distance we are close and in the summer of 2012, they all flew England to spend some time here. Some bad things have happened while here in the UK, but some pretty amazing ones have happened for which I am grateful. At least now when we do have children, my kids will have an extra Uncle that I am sure they will love just as much as I do.

                                                      Meeting the Family Georgia 2011

             

                                                  Chris and Brandi Rome Colosseum 2012


IVF UPDATE:  Our labs have all been completed and we are awaiting some results that I will need to send to Bourn Hall before our first appointment on March 3rd, 2014. Not long now and we are both nervous and excited for the process to start. Thank everyone for the continued donations as we try and start our little family.

A Promise Kept

          I had amazing grandparents as a kid and I remember them fondly for different reasons. My mother's mom who we called "Grandma Irma" never had a mean bone, but I think I brought her best side out when I made faces at her during church. If she had not been such a non violent christian woman, I believe that bible may have hit me in the head a few times.  It's funny what memories from childhood a person really vividly recalls. A fond memory of my dad's mom, Grandma Bessie, was her calling to tell me my favorite television show was on and she didn't want me to forget. I always loved Beauty and the Beast (the 1980's TV version) and she knew it.
           Some of my best memories were of my Uncle Greg, my father's brother. Uncle Greg lived up north in Pennsylvania and when I would hear he was stopping by (he was a trucker), I would get so excited. He was never the most wealthy person, but had the biggest heart and I have to admit I loved his northern accent. As I grew up, I wanted him at my wedding so badly. When he called and was unable make it, it broke both our hearts. When we opened the card for our wedding from him, inside we found a $100.00, money I knew he really couldn't afford to send us, but he did. I did not have to see him daily, I didn't have to talk to him all the time, but I knew he loved me.
           After our wedding, Chris and I would travel to New York through the years to see my father-in-law. We always drove back through Pennsylvania to see Uncle Greg on the way back to Georgia. I am thankful for the fond memories of those short stops to eat dinner and chit chat. He was always just as excited to see me as I was him.
           One of the worst moments in my life was the day my parents and Chris sat me down to tell me Greg had cancer. I was broken hearted and there was no consoling me. After Chris and I left my parents house that night, I vowed to get it together before I called to talk to my uncle. When the time came and I thought I had built up enough courage to make through the conversation without crying, I dialed the number. I still remember him answering and my courage lasting all of two seconds before the tears came and I found him comforting me about what was to come.
            He moved to Georgia, not long after we spoke and spent the rest of his days with all of us. He had decided not to fight it and to just let things happen, he knew he didn't have much time. I didn't realize until after his passing that he had even had someone get a horse calendar for him and bragged to his hospice nurse about his niece and how much she loved to ride horses. Before he died he  promised even when he wasn't still on earth, he would still be here for me.
            The other night I saw Uncle Greg's wallet in my drawer and was thinking about what he would have put in our IVF fund. I wanted to see his picture again, so I pulled out his drivers license and read it. I have gone through that wallet several times since he died in 2007, but this time when I opened it I noticed something else, an old twenty dollar bill. I sat in the floor and for awhile just let the tears come, I knew Uncle Greg was making sure the promise he made was a promise kept.
         
       

Baby Steps to Baby Steps

  Almost immediately after surgery, Chris and myself started looking into the process and expense of in vitro fertilization. First off Googling (Yep! Apparently it is a word now!) anything medical is a bad idea, my situation is no different. It did not take long for me to wonder if I had some bad deadly disease that caused my left tube to close. Luckily, I came back to my senses in only a few hours and realized I can not preach to the choir if I am not acting accordingly myself.
       At my first follow up appointment after my last tubal, I was referred to a place in Cambridge. Our insurance would cover the cost of the initial appointment which ranges anywhere from £190.00 to £600.00 and I was ready to get this process started. I called the facility as I had several questions and was completely turned off by the attitude and lack of response to the important financial inquires I had. I immediately started looking for a different facility.
       Every time I would google IVF (okay maybe I have done this more than just that one day!), a place called Bourn Hall would pop up. I looked at their website and was impressed, but was even more impressed after speaking to one of the physicians at the center. She was super sweet, patient, and understanding of my current situation. Our insurance will not cover this particular place, but our thought was that we will be paying for the majority of this out of pocket and the difference between comfort and £190.00 (consult fee at Bourn) did not seem like a huge difference for peace of mind. Not saying that this is not a large amount of money, but compared to the expense of the process itself it didn't seem impossible. After that phone call, the decision was made that Bourn Hall was the place for us and so started all of the baby steps to baby steps.
       Before the initial sit down with the physician there are several test that must be completed. Lab work is a big one. For the female, an AMH (Anti-Mullerian Hormone) is usually required, but in some cases places will allow a FSH (Follicle-Stimualting Hormone), LH (Luteinizing Hormone), and Estradiol in place of an AMH, all of which have to be taken during a woman's cycle. For the male, regardless of the situation, a sperm test must be completed. Last but not least for both parties HIV antibodies, Hepatitis B Surface Antigen, Hepatitis C antibodies, and Hepatitis B Core Antibodies must be done.
       It seemed like so much to do, but we have already finished everything with the exception of female only testing which I must wait until the "perfect time" for these to be drawn. I think most women can agree that you never look forward to a period, okay a slight few of you might be jumping for joy when yours arrives, but for most of us it is dreaded. I can honestly say, I wish mine would hurry up so I can get these test finished. I may not ever repeat this again, but bring on the bleeding!
      We have scheduled our initial consult date for March 3rd and I was very excited to receive the paperwork in the mail. With that said, it seemed like a lot of paperwork, but took us less than half an hour to complete. We were going to Cambridge to do Chris's "man test" on Monday, so we made a day of it and dropped the completed paperwork off at Bourn Hall ourselves. We were only there a short amount of time, but the kindness of everyone only reassured us that we made the correct decision. We would not have come this far in such a short amount of time if it had not been for really wonderful physicians, friends, and family. With everyones continued support and donations, we look forward to making our dreams a reality.

                          The Paperwork

                                                 

Too Beautiful for Earth

       One year ago today, I was in the worst pain both physically and emotionally than I had ever been before. Today marks the one year anniversary of our first tubal pregnancy. We were further along the first time and I had spent an entire weekend between the floor, couch, and bed in what I thought was just normal gas and pregnancy symptoms. We had already taken a trip to the emergency room the week prior as I was concerned about the amount of pain, no one mentioned then that there was even a possibility of the baby being in my tube. On Tuesday, January 15, 2013, I awoke in the worst possible pain I could have imagined. I vaguely remember making it down stairs to try and take some medication for gas relief and then the dog licking it off my face because I was suddenly in the floor. I knew something was terribly wrong at that point and immediately called my husband who had already left for work.
        It seemed like forever and I barely remember being scared that he would not get to me in time. In actuality, it had been snowing heavily and snow was still on the ground so it was taking him longer than the normal five minutes between our home and the military base. I know I was in and out of consciousness, but all I remember is arriving in the ER and being fully embarrassed that I had urinated on myself.  After a long while in the ER, the tubal was discovered and I did not have time to be scared or upset because it was off to surgery with a quickness.
        I spent a couple of days in the hospital and with the help of an amazing husband and some really wonderful friends, I recovered quickly. My surgeon had been able to save my tube (salpingostomy) and we could start trying again soon. Coming to terms with what happened emotionally was not as easy and seeing the scars (my surgeon is pretty awesome, the scars could be much worse!) is a daily reminder of what happened. Unfortunately, I have not found a way to shower with clothes on and actually get clean.
       I still see the scars daily, but I do not hate them the way I did for so long. Since having my second tubal and loosing the tube, I like to think of them as my reminders that I have angels looking over me. Those angels were just too beautiful for earth...
   
                           "An angel in the book of life wrote down my baby's birth

                      than whispered as she closed the book, 'too beautiful for earth.'"

                               ~author unknown

                                   December 2012

        Our story truly started when my husband proposed to me in early spring 2003. You see, I worked in the public school system and he had a very special way of making sure I would say "yes". Chris had some help from a special fourth grade class, he had them all ask me at once. How could I say no? And so it began. We were married on June 5, 2004 in Warner Robins, Georgia.
        We both agreed from the start that we wanted to hold of on kids for at least a few years. I needed to finish college,  he was enlisted in the Air Force, and who knew where we would end up. We knew we were doing the responsible thing and would have a family one day, just not yet. So life went on.
        Flash forward several years (about 9!) and we found ourselves stationed at RAF Lakenheath in England. This was a big change for myself as I grew up a true southern girl and very close to family. It was a little easier for my husband who is originally from Europe. He grew up on a little island called Malta and we would be closer to most of his family while stationed here in England. About a year after our arrival and a deployment later, we decided it was finally time to start a family.
       On Christmas Eve 2012, we discovered around 2am, I was pregnant. We could not have been more excited. The plan was that we would wait to tell our families, but it didn't take long for either one of us to cave and we told them all in early January. I had been feeling sick the entire time, but even as a nurse myself, I thought it was just normal nausea. After a two trips to the ER for extreme nausea and pain, it was discovered on January 15, 2013 that I was experiencing a tubal pregnancy on my right side. I was rushed into surgery, but thankfully my amazing surgeon was able to save my tube. I awoke upset, but thankful to be alive and was reassured we could soon try again. We did just that.
       We were starting to worry when on November 23, 2013, we discovered I was pregnant again. This time was a little different,  I knew from the beginning something was not right. I had been bleeding from the start and only took a test on a whim. Thankfully, my wonderful doctors trusted me and I was seen immediately. It did not take long to find that yet again, we were experiencing  a tubal on my right side. I had surgery this time the first week of December. Almost immediately after I woke up from anesthesia we were told that not only had my right tube been removed, but my left was not functioning. The test done on my left tube consisted of trying to flush dye through the tube in order to make sure everything could pass through normally. This was not the case with my left tube, the dye could not get through and there for that tube would be useless also for trying to get pregnant. We were devastated to learn that the only way for us to have a normal pregnancy would be through IVF.
        Not to long after arriving home from the hospital, we started looking into IVF and the facilities that do it. Though it is an expensive process, it is cheaper to do have done here in Britain. Our military insurance does not cover IVF and so we started saving. The problem is that we PCS in 9 months and have a very limited time to complete the process. We are planning on the initial appointment in February 2014, and we have saved some to start. If we can not raise enough funding we will not be able to continue.
        Someone suggested a Go Fund Me account and I tried it, not thinking anyone would even be willing to spare a dollar on people they didn't know let alone the amount that family has also donated. We have set a goal of $6000.oo and I am asking everyone to please even give a dollar to help us start our family at http://www.gofundme.com/BabyforButigiegs I know that I have reached out and helped people in the past and I am hoping they will do the same for myself and my husband. We both will graciously pay it forward in the future, every chance we get. Thank you in advance!